Lately, I’ve been crying a lot. I’m not sad, really. I’m coping with almost everything and I’m doing a damn good job of caregiving for my mother. She has Alzheimers; tumbling off the cliff edge of the final quarter stage and I am forced to watch her decline.

She knows who I am because I remind her. I say, “Mama, what’s my name?” (Note the hint?) She usually knows. If she gives my Hebrew name I ask for my English name. If she gives my English name I ask for my Hebrew name. When she’s feeling mischievous she gets a look on her face and says, “Whatsername, you know.”

She is not the same woman she was and I miss her. I’m crying because I am grieving, because I am grieving for the loss of all the opportunities for profound discussion, for insights into her personal history, for insights into her desires for the legacy she would want to leave the world.

On the other hand, I’ve started putting coconut oil in as many meals as I can and I am so sure that I am seeing a positive difference. Because she does still know who I am and just the other day she recognized our house as hers – and she hasn’t for quite a while.

Dare I believe in a full remission? Maybe not to the extent that I can safely expect it, but I can hope for it or at least a measure of it.

I’m grieving because of the reality of her decline, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up hoping and working toward that much desired recovery.

Families, here’s how you can help: Cleaning and cooking. Yes, it is that simple. After dinner and after gift unwrapping are the two most exhausting non-care chores that your help will cheer the caregiver the most. For Chanuka, there will be approximately 22 people here all grating potatoes and onions to prepare the annual Extended Family Latke feast. I am willing to host this not only because my mother can’t really travel, but because I know that my sister’s in-laws will be right there with the clean-up. (Not that I’m not hoping that now that the kids are older the mess might be less, but don’t count on it. Have you ever had 6 people grating 10 pounds of potatoes in the dining room?)

The actual frying of the latkes will probably be handled by one or two of us (how many people can stand in front of a standard 4 burner stove, anyway?) but almost everyone wants a chance to flip the latkes. Make sure you, not the caregiver, takes responsibility for assigning who brings what (in our case that’s oil, potatoes, onions, graters, sour cream, applesauce, drinks, paper plates, etc).

Don’t leave the house looking like a fight broke out with wrapping paper and dirty dishes (or cookware) left everywhere. Get it clean before you go home (or mostly clean, I can handle a little leftover straightening up the next day) or at least easy to finish up cleaning.

Most of all, remember to include both caregiver and care recipient in the action and in hugs. There’s nothing like a comforting hug when it all feels like too much.

1. Free time! Take over the job for a day or two or even just a few extra hours.
2. Chocolates (I love dark chocolate – the expensive good kind. Lindt for example.)
3. Gift certificate for something fun and relaxing (very much depends on the recipient’s tastes).
4. Thank you dinner that she (or he) doesn’t have to make or clean up after.
5. Ask what you can do to help – then take on those chores with good cheer and keep it up!
6. Write to the president and your congressman asking for more not less assistance for our elderly.

Thank you for taking the time to give hugs to your friend or family member who does this caring day in and day out with no pay and not nearly enough emotional support. If you want a few more ideas or resources, please see my post from last year, “Be Thankful for Family Caregivers.”

I recently purchased some fancy inventory keeping software. It keeps track of time, materials, vendors, sales tax – lots of stuff in great detail! Only… it wasn’t working for me. At least it didn’t seem to be working consistently. I decided, after inputting my own information, to start adding some of the vendors and some of the raw materials I was thinking of using for my latest bead weaving project. I read the manual; I worked step by step while reading the instructions. I got one vendor in and then another. I hit the bright green plus sign to add a third vendor. Nothing happened – no empty record would open. I fired off a frustrated email to the software’s developer and went back to fiddle around on my own.

I decided to try duplicating the last entry. Ok, I got a duplicate. Then I deleted the duplicate and was suddenly able to hit the plus sign and get a new empty record. Huh. Oh well.

I added a bunch of vendors and moved on to adding parts.

I added one strand of lovely round faceted unakite beads. Then… Duplicate, delete, and add some swarovski bicones.

ARGH!

I sent off another email (after noticing a response that asked for more details). Ok, actually I am summarizing the criss-cross of emails and attempts. This all actually took a just under a week of fiddling and emailing back and forth until…

Gary sent back an email saying, “click on the word ‘New’ next to the green plus sign.”

Oh.

Now I remember what happens when we ASSUME!

As a bead weaving artist I indulge in creating all of these fringes in many of works of art meant to be worn; wearable sculpture, that is probably reflective of my time as a ballerina.

One of my favorites, now part of a private collection, is “Hot Pink Fuzzy.” The name is descriptive. Imagine a soft fuzzy collar in hot pink.

Hot Pink Fuzzy
©2000 Patricia C Vener

Another necklace that is a favorite uses a completely different technique of fringing. Deceptively simple straight lines up and down. These have so much potential! I can change the size, color, texture, finish of the beads; I can add loops and other dangling beads at the ends. The necklace I’m showing here is called “Volcano” and it is red and crystal and silver and dramatically stunning and it never fails to get “oohed” and “ahhed” over. It is also one of the first I made utilizing the varying length straight fringe.

Volcano ©2001 Patricia C Vener

What kind of fringes do you like? When do you like to wear fringed clothing or jewelry or do you simply wish you could?

By virtue of the limitations of the materials, works of art on paper are short lived without special care and even seemingly sturdy and durable oils paints deteriorate in ways that are often slow enough that it goes mostly unnoticed. Of course conditions matter as is the case with pre-historic cave art. Often these have gone unseen, hidden in dark places only to begin immediate and rapid deterioration when revealed to the light of day – and human beings’ carelessness.

Who defines “art” varies with era. Historically, it is those with power over others who defines what art is and how much or how little it and its creators should be valued. In our own age we are at once torn between traditional definitions and our own particular viewpoints. The terms craft and art begin to blur with the distinction shifting to functional art versus decorative art.

Of course taste varies by individual despite the prevalence of replicas of some arbiter-of-style’s declarations. It takes a bit of independent determination to show off one’s personal style, be it in the home or on one’s body. I like to think that distinctiveness of style is one of the more interesting aspects of being human.

Early in August I finished the mural (in two sections) for Bread and Chocolate in Hamden CT. It shows part of a house in an architectural style typical of the coffee growing region of Columbia as well as the many attendant plants and flowers well loved by the women of the area. I am very proud of this work not only because I love how it came out but also because so many people who see it tell me that it transports them to another place away from the travails of life in our fast paced world.

Here’s snapshot of the larger mural (there are actually two but they are meant to be viewed as a single concept):

Bread and Chocolate's Mural Painted Summer ©2011 by Patricia C Vener,

Suggestions to try till you find the ones that work best for you
1. Coloring - Did you like to color when you were a child? You don’t have to be good at staying in the lines if you don’t want to. You don’t have to use realistic colors. Just look at the enclosed spaces, pick up crayon, marker, or colored pencil and have at it! There are plenty of adult oriented coloring books available that are have some appeal to grown ups.
2. Collages - This has almost universal appeal; from the very young to elderly. There’s something very satisfying about taking scissors to glossy magazines or paint store paint chips and cutting out pretty designs and colored shapes then gluing them on a piece of thick paper or cardboard. You can make beautiful abstracts or sketch out a pattern or drawing and use your cuttings instead of paint or crayon to fill in the colors.
3. Scrapbooking - This is one that I have not tried, but a few friends of mine are really into it. Unlike the olden days, this hobby now has a whole industry devoted to it with special scissors, hole punches, fancy papers and more. I think of it as journaling with visuals as well as words.
4. Sketching and Doodling - This has minimal requirements: a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. There are also computer based doodling programs but I think you’ll find more satisfaction with the old fashioned physical result. The really great thing about doodling is that you don’t have to think about it. You can let your subconscious rule your hand. If you hate it, toss it. If you love it, put it in your scrapbook, on your fridge, or you can even frame it or use it to inspire a more permanent or “finished” work of art.
5. Photography -If you already own even a simple point and shoot camera this is a great choice. Experiment, play with the settings to get images that aren’t necessarily meant to capture reality. This is one choice that works well if you want to involve your loved one (caregivee, as it were). Photography can be abstract or focus on textures or compositions. (A good photo and graphics utility is GIMP which is free to download and has a lot of interesting features. With a graphics utility you can play around with your photograph to create something really new and unusual. Of course this aspect requires you to have some time for yourself and that’s not always possible.)
6. Drawing - Get a giant piece of paper and draw big! Conte crayon, pencil, charcoal are all excellent media for large drawings. Spread your wings and make a statement. Or, on a smaller sheet of paper take pen to ink and meticulously draw a vignette of small images that represent your stress or your desires or your life as you want it to be… Express yourself in any way that helps you. Connect the drawings with wavy lines, or spirals, or jagged rivers that jump up and down like radio signals. It’s your imagination and this art is for you, not a gallery or your family to judge.

I have purposely not included any pictures with this post because I want you to “do your own thing,” not be over influenced by my thing. But if you have any questions, post below and I will try to answer your concerns.

I did not choose Samwise, however, but rather Galadriel who both craves power but rejects (or resists) the temptation of the One Ring. Such power of self control is, in its way, as exceptional as Samwise’s decisions to do the brave thing even when he is scared out of his mind. Galadriel. along with Celeborn, rules the elves of the forest Lothlorien. She is powerful and connected to nature. I envision her with jewelry that reflects her natural associations and as it is now Spring (in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway) she wears a necklace that celebrates this transitory season of growth and flowering.

The necklace is called “Celedon” and is mostly the pale green of young shoots, accented by dark green leaves and three pink buds. The central cabochon is variscite, polished by Connecticut lapidarist Elmore Easter. The three buds are faceted rhodonite briolettes.

Voting goes from 9 May 2011 through 15 May 2011 at the Etsy Beadweavers Blog.

When I was very young, long before I even cared, my father would advise me that above all else, I should seek a spouse who had a “good sense of humor.” What he was trying to tell me was that no matter how intelligent and compassionate a human being is, if they don’t have a sense of humor living with them is not going to be the best experience.

So my final words on this subject are to look seriously at your life’s journey, but be sure to take time out to enjoy the journey and all the great food you haven’t tried yet.

I invite you to go back and reread the series, starting with Part 1 of Life’s 7 Important Questions. Please let me know what you think, where you are on your journay, and any great recipes you care to share.